Suddenly, I feel hopeless. I feel out of control. Sometimes, I just want to cry in hopeless negativism.
Sometimes, I hate human beings and their little and big disappointing behaviors.
During this time, I wonder whether it is worth living.
I wonder why I’m here and perhaps I am too damaged to continue living here, like a weak link.
And then, I found an answer that really blew me away.
I have a low body temperature. I remain around 98.0 or less on normal days.
When the weather turns cold, I get even cooler. A person with a lower body temperature is more susceptible to parasites. These parasites release toxins that interfere with normal body functions, including hormone imbalances and food allergies.
I am aware of my food allergies. I have eliminated coffee, nuts, milk, eggs and sometimes wheat from my diet with great results…except in the winter!
My father had the same allergies and he committed suicide for no real concrete reason.
Perhaps I am the one to bring to light this find that does not to make much headline.
We all try to dissect the psychological dysfunctions; adding label upon label to the poor subject that simply has low body temperature that cause great frustration, anger, depression, fatigue, allergies, skin conditions, etc.
No, perhaps this idea has not been taken seriously or those that are aware are the ones that make a nickel off of a person that feels helpless.
At any rate, I have to manipulate my body to get my mind right. I have to strip myself of the labels I have put on myself in the past and start over. I have a low body temperature! So, I have to get rid of parasites, heighten my body temperature and eat foods that do not cause reactions…like sugar.
What a pain. But, at least I am not feeling a hopeless negativism that spins me into the depths of hell, where Satan welcomes me and tells me that everything IS all my fault and I should just kill myself now. No, I am a loving and kind mother. I instill faith and joy. I love my animals. My husband is my savior. My world is beautiful…with a hot cup of tea.
I feel a little lost at the moment but my intention is to help those that are seeking self-love.
I was the most insecure person and couldn’t love another from being too focussed on BEING loved. When I decided to take a leap of faith and start a path of changing my internal dialogue, I began creating art that reflected self-love. I also create products and aromatherapy that encourages healing; inside and out.
I am much happier and feel I love myself and am now able to truly love others. It is a process as I strive to understand myself and others, while maintaining the highest vision of myself and others.
She was born in garbage town. Not an ugly town~a beautiful town, where the trees stood strong and tall. The garbage part of the town came from the minds of the humans that resided under these powerful trees. These same humans chose to view their world from the shade. And that same shadow entered her heart and soul, leaving her beautiful mind hidden from herself.
She had no true love from the day of her birth, though her shadowed heart yearned for it. Her yearning was so great, that she made a friend that could not speak. A friend she thought to be beautiful and marvelous; powerful and constant…a tree.
She didn’t know why she loved her beloved tree. Was it because when she looked up from the shade she could see the green and yellow leaves being bathed in the sun, swaying and dancing to life’s glory? Was it because a tree was not affected by the dark minds of humans, humans that chose to think the worst of her sweet little heart instead of the best? Perhaps it was because the tree allowed her to enjoy that glory~for only a moment in her shadowed mind.
No friends did she make with the human world. Something in her mouth tasted sour and her heart began to beat faster and did not allow another being of her own kind to see her for who she truly was. The birds that followed her in secret couldn’t tell her that those humans didn’t deserve to know her anyway. She was special. She was love.
On your path, my beautiful girl, my love~will you choose to cry in the shadows of limited colors and light or will you lift your arms look at that sun that blinds most and sway in glory?
It has been my personal battle learning to love myself. I know, for those of you that were brought up with love, this idea sounds silly. But, for those of you that were brought up unloved, loving ourselves is the most important step we should take in conquering our fears, hates and guilts.
Loving myself was a process. I have found that I never really loved another truly until I began to change my internal dialogue to that of loving and forgiving thoughts about myself, that turned into true love and forgiveness for myself.
Mirror Syndrome: What I think of myself, I assume that others are thinking those things. So, when I changed my internal dialogue to the loving side, I began to see that others loved me, too! And, instead of resenting and hating people for agreeing that I was unlovable, I began to embrace those that agreed (with me) that I WAS lovable…mirrors.
