Feeling anger
Every time it turns cold, my art turns dark.
Suddenly, I feel hopeless. I feel out of control. Sometimes, I just want to cry in hopeless negativism.
Sometimes, I hate human beings and their little and big disappointing behaviors.
During this time, I wonder whether it is worth living.
I wonder why I’m here and perhaps I am too damaged to continue living here, like a weak link.
And then, I found an answer that really blew me away.
I have a low body temperature. I remain around 98.0 or less on normal days.
When the weather turns cold, I get even cooler. A person with a lower body temperature is more susceptible to parasites. These parasites release toxins that interfere with normal body functions, including hormone imbalances and food allergies.
I am aware of my food allergies. I have eliminated coffee, nuts, milk, eggs and sometimes wheat from my diet with great results…except in the winter!
My father had the same allergies and he committed suicide for no real concrete reason.
Perhaps I am the one to bring to light this find that does not to make much headline.
We all try to dissect the psychological dysfunctions; adding label upon label to the poor subject that simply has low body temperature that cause great frustration, anger, depression, fatigue, allergies, skin conditions, etc.
No, perhaps this idea has not been taken seriously or those that are aware are the ones that make a nickel off of a person that feels helpless.
At any rate, I have to manipulate my body to get my mind right. I have to strip myself of the labels I have put on myself in the past and start over. I have a low body temperature! So, I have to get rid of parasites, heighten my body temperature and eat foods that do not cause reactions…like sugar.
What a pain. But, at least I am not feeling a hopeless negativism that spins me into the depths of hell, where Satan welcomes me and tells me that everything IS all my fault and I should just kill myself now. No, I am a loving and kind mother. I instill faith and joy. I love my animals. My husband is my savior. My world is beautiful…with a hot cup of tea.
